It's a crisp Wednesday fall morning - the perfect circumstances, I'm sure you'll agree, under which to visit the local vet clinic to replenish one's supply of cat food.
So that's what I'm doing today. Honestly, buying cat food from this place isn't my favorite thing to do, since one time I did so, the woman at the front desk gave me a hard time about not neutering my cat on the exact six month anniversary of him being expelled from his mother's womb. And I secretly hold grudges.... for a very long time. In fact, this is why I have cats. And since my cats are usually my only source of companionship, I figure I need to feed them since they wouldn't provide as much comfort if they starved to death.
I walk into the vet clinic. There is no one at the front desk, and there is one man in front of me. Seeing me walk in, he figures he should ring the bell to alert someone of our presence. He does so, but he doesn't really do it very well, and the bell hardly rings. I read the look on his face; he KNOWS he failed, but doesn't want to look like an ass and try again, so he's going to wait this out and hope that whoever works at the front desk has very good hearing.
We wait about three minutes, it is pretty obvious no one is coming. Another person enters the clinic and lines up behind me. Three more minutes. A guy dressed in camouflage comes in, carrying his cat. For some reason, this is amusing to me.. but I stay focused. Two more minutes. The guy at the front must face the fact that he did not ring the bell loudly enough, since it's almost been ten minutes since he rang the bell. So, he picks it up and does a better job at alerting the secretary, as she comes out from the back immediately. He questions her about whether she has a large bag of dog food. She says she does. This surprises him. He does not actually want to buy it, he was merely wondering if she had it in stock. He leaves empty handed. I make a mental note to add him to my list of people I will never forgive. I step up to the counter.
It's HER.
Secretary: How may I help you?
Me: I need some of that diet cat food.. I think it's called WD. For Kira and Maggie... (and Charlie and Thundercat......)
Secretary *checking the computer*: Okay.. do you want the biggest bag again?
Me *solumnly, in a I-haven't-forgiven-you tone*: Yes, please.
The secretary walks into the back, comes out carrying a large bag of cat food, almost throws it down on chair since she clearly finds it heavy, rings through sale.
Secretary *sizing me up incredulously - haha, I got that word from Twilight!*: Are you sure you can handle that? It's quite heavy.
Me *putting my wallet in my pocket*: Oh yeah, no problem!
Well, here we go - I have something to prove, don't I? I'm going to show her. Flexing my muscles considerably, I bear down on the bag of cat food and pick it up with apparent ease. She will be so impressed, she will regret ever telling me that I did not neuter my cat early enough. She will worship me.
I take note how little effort I actually make because I am very, very strong due to riding horses. Oh, how I love surprising people with my undeniable vigor. But is it enough to only walk to the car with this cat food? No, of course not. In order to REALLY impress them, I am not only going to carry the large bag of cat food to my car, but I'm going to run with it. Then everyone here will understand how strong and agile I really am.
So that's what I do - I run to the car with the cat food. In my mind, I look like Vin Diesel or The Rock, lifting a car over my head. Deep inside I know that, in reality, I probably look more like the scraggly, insane cat woman that I am, running down the street with this huge bag of cat food. I place it lightly in my backseat and drive home. It is only a half hour later that I realize that my wallet is missing. I look around a bit; it is no where to be found.
Panic ensues.
After fifteen minutes of hysteria, I drive back to the vet clinic and amble in, and ask the secretary in a defeated voice, "did I leave my wallet here?". She pities me, I can tell. And I didn't, so I go back home and cancel all my credit cards. It's necessary. Think of all the things the thieves could buy with that $150 of credit I have left. I realize that my wallet fell out during my display of awesomeness of running to my car.
Fifteen minutes after canceling my cards, I get the email that says someone has found my wallet. Someone who was not a thief.. not that it would have mattered anyways.
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